Give them wings, watch them soar.

What it must be like to be a new mom in today’s world. There is a whole new layer of things to guide your children through. Yes we had bumps and bruises to patch up, as well as holding little hands and healing little hearts when feelings got hurt. We witnessed the dawn of social media before FB and IG were a thing, saw what on-line bullying could make our child feel. Yet there is nothing we as Moms can do that is more important than helping our little ones develop a strong sense of being. When you take a step back and let them show them self, their true self, not the image that you or society wants or needs them to be, that is, to me anyways, one of the most important steps to being a Mom, a parent. It enables your child to forge ahead with full confidence that you have their back as they learn exactly who they are. 

Being a mom to me is the air that I breath. There was never a time in my life that I doubted that this was for me. I am far from being the perfect Mom because none of us are. What we do share is a love for our offspring that is larger than a human heart can hold. It is a love like no other. It is pure joy in it’s rarest form from the moment this little bundle is placed in our arms. 

Perhaps the joy that surrounds me today ties into the lives my children have carved out for themselves. Strong, independant, kind, caring, love me or leave me attitudes. Never change yourself for others. Stand out, be weird, be your true authentic self and let those who value those qualities come to you. Never apologize to anyone for being yourself. The most impactful superpower we can help our kids develop is a sense of self worth. let them truly discover who they are and what they want out of life.

So to all the Mom’s, new, old, and soon to be, celebrate your contribution for guiding and shaping a generation of good humans. Go with your gut. It speaks volumns to us. May you be blessed today with all the love your heart can hold, and then some. 

Happy Mother’s day.

Rest and digest….but not the way you may think!

The word digest makes one think of that feeling of being full after a larger than normal meal. That lazy feeling your body goes through while all your enzymes are working overtime to process all the excess. It can be a very tiring feeling that can also affect your general mood and choices made during that time.

Now let’s look at it a bit differently. How about if we are talking about being full of all that happened in our head today. Perhaps you are going through health related or some challenging or emotionally draining circumstances in life, work related or in your personal life. Does this leave your head in the same shape as your stomach after overstimulation? I can vouch for that fact that this is exactly how I feel at the end of some days.

I recently started an experiment in my quest to find solutions and maybe learn a little more about myself in the process . I took a neon post-it note and placed it somewhere in my kitchen. It has nothing written on it. But it speaks to me. Each time I return home, I spot it, and say in my head ‘rest and digest’, ‘rest and digest’. It is my signal to sit and digest whatever the day held, but especially when all is not right in my world. Previously I would try to shove stuff off to the side but now I can see that that does not really serve us well. It layers up and becomes heavy, heavy on our heart, heavy on our mind. It steals our joy. It can lead to mindlessness as well. This new method allows for me to sit with my day and digest it, analyze what may have upset, angered, depressed, overwhelmed, or whatever other feeling I experienced during the day-to-day order of business. It allows for dissection, introspection, evaluation, navigation, creating a plan going forward, decisions to be thought out of any changes that I may want to make to help me going forward, general self analysis. It basically can take 15 mins, yet what it does is avoid just shelving it, or what’s worse, turning to other things to find that temporary satisfaction, which we all know does not help with the long term goals. 

Perhaps you have heard this story before, yet I believe it bears repeating. Many years ago I suffered for decades with undiagnosed anxiety. I would have sporadic panic attacks and over the years I would end up at different doctors who would all tell me that they could not find anything wrong and would dismiss me. They got so severe that they started to interfere with my life in all sorts of ways. The longer it lasted, the more I started avoiding simple things that I had previously done with ease. It came to a crux one evening as I had an episode while making dinner. For the life of me, I still don’t know what the trigger was on that particular day, but I do remember in the middle of this I got so dizzy, I needed to lie down. After two hours, I still could not stand up on my own, so off to the local hospital, thinking it may be heart related. On that lucky evening, the doctor in emergency happened to be an anesthesiologist. He injected a gel in the back of my neck, essentially freezing my vagus nerve. I felt immediate relief. He then explained the physiology of this nerve and its use and how it relates to anxiety. It was like finding a missing piece of a long unsolved puzzle that had sat unfinished for years. It gave me my independence back along with tools to use whenever the unwelcome guest would appear in my head.  It gave me back my joy.

So what I am basically telling you is that our brain is very similar to our stomach. When fed too much at once, especially emotionally triggering  issues that we sometimes find ourselves in the middle of, both need time to ‘Rest and Digest’ We all are going through so much at any given time, that sometimes laughter is the only cure. It gives the brain a shot of healthy. Practices of heavy breathing, yoga, walking or running are all good examples of tools we can use to digest during our day, helping us to rest during our evening.

Food for thought or thought for food as I like to think of it.

Who’d a thought…

That life would place me here? Here where I am now. Here where mentally, I will need to learn so much and grow as a person in order to better serve myself as well as others. In the limited amount of time I allow myself, mostly in the hushed hours of early morning, l will search to find out more about the human psyche, what helps and what hinders our paths forward to eventual contentment with who exactly we are.  I will try to analize all the steps that we go through to get to the place that we eventually get to, and see if there would have been a way to get there any faster. Was there wasted time, or did life lessons just have to play out to get us to where we are at any given moment? Does an individual who is in their thirties today, see themselves in the same ways we did at that stage? I think a lot of it depends still in a large part on how the outside influences that surround an individual support or impede choices and lifestyle decisions that the youth of today make for themselves. 

As we march towards more equality, we are seeing more variety of persons in lead roles. I strive for the day that I can write about how I truly feel inside, yet at the same time, I am always mindful that how I choose to say something will inevitably not land the way I so hope for it to. Case in point, yesterday I was stuck in traffic. There is a building that I pass that has a glass boardroom. In said boardroom there was a tall strikingly dressed woman preparing for a meeting. I looked at her admiringly, for both her clothing style choice, but much more for her presence, a confidence that exuded from her so much so that I felt it all the way into my car. Now I could stop right there, or I could add the color of this woman’s skin. Would that make any difference in the image you had in your head while reading this depending on the color of your own skin? When we conjure up an image in our head, do we naturally paint our picture of someone with similarities to us. There are books written today with intentionally leaving out physical traits so that anyone reading can picture the character to look like someone they can relate to or better still see themselves in the story. Gone are the days of the one size fits all descriptions. I think when my generation is gone, that question and similar ones will also fade away, because the more blended the world becomes, the better it will be. When we all see each other’s value and stop looking at what separates us. When I was thirty, it was unlikely to see a woman hosting a meeting in a boardroom, even more rare a woman of color.  But that part of my mind that still becomes alert when I am faced with something that stands out, like when being introduced to the cosmetics manager when he comes over to introduce himself and ask if there is anything we need to complete the job, well I recognized that and it’s those kind of biases that I will try my best not to pass on to the generation coming behind me. Being terrified to offend others, sometimes we never start the conversations. I have been learning about ‘the race card project’ in the form of an audiobook, as part of my winter reading. It makes me cry, laugh, and feel all kinds of stuff, quite a bit of it uncomfortable, yet what I am absorbing from it will hopefully help me to just be more aware in general of how much words can affect us in all sorts of situations. There were stories about adoption that made me evaluate my own history, never realizing how easy my life has been in relation to what others have endured. I hope I am given the tools needed to do some more good in this world, that would be awesome. For now I will keep trying to just be me to the best of my ability and keep learning as I go along. Hope this leaves you something to think about.

Look for good, bask in the feelings it brings, try to duplicate where and when possible…

As you know, joy is like a drug. It fills your heart with something special. To describe it to others, one can say, I feel almost short of breath for a few minutes, as joy floods into my heart, making it expand in my chest cavity, leaving less room for air in my lungs. Now what if I were to tell you that that came from watching a heartfelt video of three grown men , day laborers, who were treated to a day at disney (most probably for the first time in their lives), including all rides, and given $250 at the end, their usual pay for working in various manual labour jobs they get by standing on the side of the road, waiting and hoping and praying that someone will have work for them today. The video itself was one thing, but what actually filled my heart was the hundreds of positive comments posted to the site. That was such a refreshing change. Then I realized the reason for that. It underscores the typical mindset of the people who follow this person’s SM posts. They always point positive. They always shine light on goodness. That is the main reason I follow said person’s post. She spreads light and it radiates! How the world need more of this.

Yesterday I started the next step in my new career. I stepped out in front of a room of people and facilitated a conversation. I thought alot of my parents, how not shy either of them was, quite the contrary, a dynamic duo. It brought back memories of being that ten year old child, reciting a poem out loud with the teacher telling me to speak louder. Shy and quiet little me never forgot that day. I’m not shy anymore, but still not as loud as I will need to be. I think the only time I am loud is when I am mad, so this will be a challenge, but there’s always a solution 📣

Watching these fifty yr old men experiencing Disney with childlike smiles, made me look at my yesterday and realize that childhood joy is always in us, sometimes it is buried a little deeper, but it still burns in each of us. My joy came from one person saying that they were taking a new thought or new concept that they learned from something another person said. Before the class, I kept telling my self facilitate means to help others help themselves. If that worked on one person, then that was an amazing first day of work.

Do what you love & love what you do. It just makes life so much sweeter.

So not ready, until you may just be.

Woman on rock at beach dipping toes in water, having fun outdoor lifestyle

So not ready, until you find yourself without choice…

Someone told me a story not too long ago about an experiment where you draw a circle and place a spider in the center. It will stay within the parameters for the longest time, until one day it put one leg just over the line, ‘testing the water’ so to speak. When nothing bad happens, off the spider goes to explore what’s out there on the other side of the line. 

I had thought about this often, how I have spent a lifetime drawing imaginary circles and staying within the lines, within my comfort zone. The only time I venture out is when forced to organically, as if the universe  has another plan for me. We are all capable of so much more than we sometimes allow ourselves to believe. I have witnessed many persons come out on the other side of pretty traumatic episodes, stronger, wiser and much more confident. I am such a stong believer in whatever tools you need will be placed in front of you in life, you simply have to see them, recognize them, pick them up and use them. Saying that, I believe this to be the case when your intentions are good ones. If you can be of service to others, something will draw you in that direction. 

Yesterday I got a hug from a new friend. She is what I like to refer to as a sparkplug. The whole room lights up when she walks into it. Her eyes smile.  I assume she has been like that all of her life. She reminds me of someone else who had that kind of presense. While others are out there worrying about what it’s going to be like to turn 60, here we are realizing it is a fabulous age to be, minus a few creaks maybe, but with the right mindset, we are like that spider, finally ready to extend our foot out into the unknown, cause really, what’s the worst that can happen? If we don’t like what’s out there, we can retreat back to what we know, what makes us feel safe. 

My kids would laugh if they heard ‘take risks’ coming from me. That was always more my husbands mindset. I was always the ‘stay safe’ parent. As I age though, I see that really living comes with taking risks, both physically, but even more scary is those emotional risks. If I open up and lay my cards on the table, will this be accepted? Can I learn to take all the joy I have inside and tilt it outwards to shine it on others? I am about to dip my toes into something new, hoping to follow in the brave footsteps of others, hoping to learn from those I already admire. Expanding the circle, step by step…

Living in a foreign land, doing the best I can.

I am an avid follower of what’s what in the country south of us as it greatly influences so of our politics and policies up here in the great white north. I initially had plans to see every corner of the states one day, or at least a lot more of it. So far I’ve seen New York to Florida, LA, Las Vegas, and New Orleans but have not had the pleasure of what’s in between. Hopefully one day I will see more of your beautiful country. I cannot help thinking of the families who have now lost a father or brother, because they were most likely in the US on a migrant work visa so that they could send some money home to their families, working at jobs that americans may not want to do. It reminded me of going on a road trip post pandemic once the border had re-opened and finding little to no staff in the various restaurants we went into. So many of these jobs are staffed by students on study visas, not because they want to steal anyone’s job, but because those are the low paying jobs that are unfilled by the population, and easy to find. To study in another country is more expense, as universities charge foreign students a higher rate, helping fund the universities in general. 

What it must take to leave your family behind and go to another country to find employment. If only there was a way to make a living wage in the country of origin, I am sure these people would much prefer to be at home with their family, to watch their children grow, to spend time with aging parents. To take a job filling potholes on a bridge at 1:30 in the morning, you must want your children to have a good, or at least better life than you. My thoughts are with these families, I hope they know that people have deep respect for those who do the work that many of us do not want. 

As you are out and about today, take notice of those who serve you. Serve you coffee at the drive through, Lunch at your favourite pick-up joint, Taxis, Uber, road crews, repair persons, everyone you cross paths with today. Each and every one of us is trying to get by, provide, do good by our families. Everyone deserves our respect as long as they are playing by the rules and doing their part to support themselves wherever possible. 

With Easter comes new beginnings, new life, new growth, let us grow in kindness and understanding and especially compassion. 

Positive energy, make sure it is always in your toolbox.

Life can be hard. I spend most of my time these days happy and contented with life. I post about pointing positive, keeping your mind in a good space. I am genuinely happy to see transformations in people that have come over to looking at the good aspects of their lives, handling the dark and/or scary parts and moving forward. It warms the heart.

I can see that my style of writing does not appeal to everyone. My style in general doesn’t either. That is fine by me. We are all unique for a reason. Yet as I sit here in my cozy corner with coffee number one in hand, I have missed preparing my weekly musings. I had picked up a virus that affected my lungs and therefore I had been not breathing properly, so in turn not getting the required oxygen to my brain to even feel strong enough to put a string of sentences together. I had a brain freeze of sorts. I am all good and the only reason I am telling you this is because it gave me some insight into another aspect of happiness, which is health. When you are not feeling well, your total focus goes inward, trying to figure out what is wrong, coupled with trying to heal. Your body as well as your brain becomes solely focused on just getting through the day. All of a sudden I clued into why I don’t hear from one of my children when they are under the weather, yet do from the other. I experienced my immune system fighting for weeks, something I knew about but have never experienced this way before. It gave me plenty to think on. It gave me understanding of what others live on a daily basis.

I love to try to put myself in the shoes of others, to try to understand more and more about the human condition. I love the connections I make along the way. I emensely enjoy spiratic coffee dates with old friends that I see once a year where we laugh at our situations in life at this point in time. I have so much more life to live, love to share, stuff to see and do. So do you. No matter what you have gone through or what you may be going through at present, good things will come your way if you open your heart, have gratitude, and be as positive as you can. Concentrate on the best parts of your life, for they are there, right in front of you. List them, acknowledge them, and then cultivate them until you feel the joy that can only come from you.

We already know that misery loves company, well happiness attracts positive energy 😁. Life always sends good our way. look out for it….

Globe trotters

Who of you did not have some form of world globe in the house when you were growing up. I would spin it for hours and was quite proud of being able to point out every country on it. Geography was always my favourite subject. As if it is the universe calling out to me, I have been placed in many a group setting in recent outings filled with people who have had the opportunity to not only travel, but live for a certain time in differents parts of the globe. As I listen to their recounts of life down under, up over, across the pond, around the globe, I cannot help but be a bit envious. Life tends to start passing faster than we know, and it becomes quite clear that if you want to do something, get on it, don’t wait. Today I met a new colleague from South Africa who was comparing towns with another woman I know as she too happened to have lived there at one point. Last night it was someone from Sweden. My ears perk up when someone talks about life in another country. I find it fascinating.

Most of us are born and die within the same 100 km radius. To pick up and follow dreams or opportunity must be so exhilarating. I really should have at least tasted it at some point. I am hoping it’s not too late! I have been not feeling up to scratch for a few weeks, but the brain never stops working on plans. I realized a few things as I sat around trying to heal quickly. Many in the generation before us spent an awful lot of time and attention making sure they would make it to the afterlife with the golden ticket. Many of our generation spent their time making sure they would have a healthy nest egg so they could enjoy if and when retirement came. The generation after us seems to have a much more balanced approached. Sure they put a few bucks aside for the future, but they also live for the day. They are much more likely to pick up and try out elsewhere in the world without too much hesitation. Their decisions are not as finite as ours. They see opportunity as an education, a chance to experience and bring back all of what they see and smell and taste, learning about others customs and traditions, ways of doing things, ways of looking at the world.

We have raised our children to learn, create, explore, experience. In a world where Nonna worries far to much about who will feed everyone, the meals I see my children make way outdo anything they were exposed to at home. I never worry. Today’s youth has so much at the tip of their fingers and can out restaurant many a fine dining establishment. The meal we had last night at a friend’s birthday,prepared and served by two of her children was worthy of at least a michelin star in our opinion. Even the fact that brother and sister could work side by side all day and night to give us guests the total dining experience, the hours drive in the rain was well worth it! As most of us make our way into our sixties, it truly is a reflective stage, but if you have lived well and taken care of your mental and physical health, it is surprisingly a joyful stage. it’s just another stage we are so not ready for, but it comes along ready or not, so all you can do is embrace and make the best of it. With that another weekend comes to an end. Off to make plans, or dream at the very least.

First chain on the link, who, when, where?

“Pause you who read this, and think for a moment of the long chain of iron or gold, of thorns or flowers, that would never have bound you, but for the formation of the first link on one memorable day.” Charles Dickens

We all have people who have been in our lives forever or so it seems. Those who we grew up with or went to school with, or lived in the same neighbourhood and have remained in touch over the years. Yet these are not the ones I speak of today…

That chance conversation in a skating arena that morphed into a quarter of a century of friendship, an intoduction at a backyard bbq years ago that have given us new couple friends that have become dear to us, my lunch buddy from work a lifetime ago, my kids best kindergarten friend’s mom….

Can you trace back the first link and choices you made that day that allowed the initial link to be forged? What if she had never approached me, what if we had not been able to attend the bbq? What if she or I had accepted a job elsewhere? what if our kids had never become friends? For any slight change in plans may have altered our lives forever. A simple decision to go to a different bar for a change has blessed me with a life partner. What made me on that night decide to go to that place, or not ? Is it really fate or just random choices that we make on a daily basis that determine our paths and who we intersect with along the way? I am a strong believer in the old saying some people come into your life for a season, some for a reason, and some for what becomes a chain that adds more and more links as life goes on…

As I think about it up to this point, and what and who make me happy, it is many of those random choices that have filled my life with vibrance. No matter what is going on with me on any given day, there is always someone in my circle having a wonderful day, another having a horrible day. So being there to share both the joys as well as the sorrows is what makes having those people in our lives so very important, so very special. In fact I do believe that this may be the best gift I have ever passed on to my children, the example of someone who values their friendships, works to maintain them, cherishes and remains grateful for the very first links, the ones that set in motion a lifetime of love and laughter and tears and everything in between.

As usual my subjects come from something I see or hear during my busy week. This time it came from watching a Netflix series called One Day. It was a beautiful and ever so powerful story of choices we make along life’s path and where life takes us from there. It got me thinking as this stuff usually does…

One Love,what we should strive for.

What does your heart do when the song begins. How can you hold onto anger, bad thoughts, stress as you listen to the message…

As time goes on we start to repeat ourselves, partially to retain good memories, yet sometimes it brings fresh eyes or a fresh heart to realize that an experience you lived, changed something in your life. For me this trip is etched in my memory forever. Jamaica 2008! This was back when we would take our children away every second year to hand picked places.  This time it was on concern of going somewhere with drinkable fresh water. it was important for us to be able to ‘chill’ that year without worry. So off we went. Arriving in Negril, everything was more than perfect and so we settled in for our two week stay. The music was magical, as reggae has been a favourite of mine since I was introduced way back in my youth in Cyprus of all places. During this trip, I observed my family, felt blessed from head to toe. In fact as I just opened up my thanksgiving book to check the year we went, It was mentioned as top thing each of us was thankful for that year, except my son, for him it was second after his scooter of course 🤣. 

While we were on this trip, there was a Jamaican family having their reunion at the resort. They came from all over the United States and elsewhere. They were a family of 48. They had purchased ‘One Love’ tshirts and proudly sported them all week. There were aunts and uncles, grandparents, and a ton of cousins. While my own kids were off hanging with new friends from around the world, learning that in England you could go to a pub at 16, and while hubby was playing either volleyball on the beach, or waterpolo in the pool, I was observing love in it’s true form. Love of life, love of family, love of community. One Love, literally!  Perhaps this experience influenced my life more than I conciously knew. Maybe that was what started me taking the initiative to reconnect with all my own cousins. It took quite a few years to introduce my husband to all of them, yet we got it done. 

My mom’s family is big and spread out but we do manage to get together when possible. In between we have our family site where we can share celebrations, news, good wishes etc… upon awakening this morning, turning to the news I usually follow, I decided the world needs much more Love, less ‘news’. I will make it a point to go see this new movie, to strengthen my resolve to bring more love and light into what can be a cruel world, if only by writing about positivity, if that is what I have been gifted with to offer, may it be my piece of ONE LOVE .